life, currently

Simple Loving: What Being in the Wrong Relationship Taught Me

2 December 2019

 

We’ve all witnessed our friends in bad relationships and thought the same thing: that will never be me. I was exactly that person. I thought I was someone who would walk away the second a relationship went south and if you would have told me that I would be in the wrong relationship for years I would never have believed you.

That’s the funny thing about a bad relationship is you don’t realize it’s happening until it’s over. If you had asked me, in the thick of my worst relationship, how things were going I probably would have said some clichéd line about a “rough patch”, but that we were working on it and things were definitely “looking up”.

Some couples do dig themselves out of those rough patches, but more often than not those rough patches are caused by being mismatched in a relationship. It’s not you, it’s not them, it’s the two of you together. You are simply wrong for each other. Being one half of a wrong relationship taught me a lot about myself, my limits, and what I need to be happy in a relationship.

 

Here are seven things that being in the wrong relationship taught me.

  1. You should not feel like a martyr in your relationship, constantly sacrificing your happiness for your partners.
  2. If you’re constantly making excuses for them and defending them to your friends, it’s not the right relationship for you. Your friends are looking out for you, trust them enough to listen to what they have to say instead of listing excuses.
  3. If you cannot trust each other, it’s not the right relationship for you.
  4. You should never feel like you are “unloveable”, “too much”, or “difficult” for asking for what you need in a romantic relationship.
  5. If you’re terrified of losing them, it’s not the right relationship for you. Of course, you hope your partner will stay, but if you are fearful of being on your own and them leaving it’s not a healthy dependency.
  6. If you’ll fight with them about anything just to “spend time together”, it’s not the right relationship for you.
  7. If you contemplate breaking up more than fixing things, then it’s probably time you did.

 

Breaking up is never easy, and always seems harder in the moment, but it was the right move for me us. If you’re in this situation I would urge you to find the confidence, and courage, to end it. Find a relationship with yourself that makes you happy and a relationship with another that makes you proud. The right relationship for you is out there, so don’t stay in the wrong one.

 

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