Dear Molly, Why Is He Treating Me Like This?

I feel like I’m in an episode of Sex and the City, so I figured I’d ask Carrie Bradshaw 😂 I’ve been seeing this guy for a little over two months and things are going pretty good. The first two and half weeks were great, no red flags, no weird behavior, and then nothing. Like he dropped off the face of the Earth for about five days. No calls, no return texts, nothing and then he pops up again as if nothing happened. A couple weeks later it happened again. There, then gone, then back. What gives? Because it sucks and I don’t know why he would do that and treat me like this.


What did you do when he came back? You say you’ve “been seeing” him which makes me think you’re still seeing him? I’d change up your mindset and look at this from a different direction. Focus less on why he’s treating you the way he is and investigate is why you are accepting this type of treatment. The possibilities for why he went MIA are endless. Maybe he got caught up with work, maybe he needed space, who knows. At the end of the day it all comes back to the same point, he didn’t communicate effectively with you.

The beginning of a relationship can feel like a mad rush. And we want that right? That fiery intensity is half the fun of a new romance, but the heat can be too much for some people. That may have been the case with your guy’s first absence, but the fact that he’s done this to you twice now isn’t okay and shouldn’t be ignored. If he doesn’t respect you enough to communicate how he’s feeling, or that he needs time, or whatever is happening then he isn’t worth your time or energy. It’s not your job to teach him how to articulate his emotions like an adult. You are not his mother, don’t raise him.

When he goes AWOL, comes back, and your relationship picks up where it left off you are saying something about the behavior you’ll accept and something about the temperature of the relationship. It says that you view this as casually as he does and that you have an open-door policy on the relationship. I’d like to be hopeful and say that maybe after a conversation he would settle into a relationship with you (if that’s what you want) or at least be more predictable, but I’m doubtful that will happen after two months.

The world is too big and too full of people who will treat you properly to stay with someone who will jerk you around with emotional whiplash. I suggest cutting him loose. If he wants to be with you he’ll come back.




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