diary

    Quarantine Day 80

    30 May 2020

    It’s been a minute… unintentional, but still incredibly long since I was on here. It feels like life is moving at a glacial pace and somehow big changes are happening every day, hour, minute. Most of those changes I’m not ready to share here, but it feels good to know the world is continuing to move. It reminds me of my time as a white-water instructor. While the surface may look calm, you never know what’s underneath and while I don’t envision being swept up in my own undertow it can feel like that at times.

    How many emotions and feelings are tied to quarantine and how many have been there the whole time. Is quarantine the cause or is it a magnifying glass? I don’t believe emotions are ever born of nothing. It’s never a fight about the dishes, it’s about not feeling supported as a whole. It’s not a fight about your boyfriend having “too many” female friends, it’s about you not feeling secure and loved in your relationship. There’s always a deeper level and I push myself to continuously dig into introspection.

    As someone with a slightly impulsive personality (read: all my tattoos are born of less than 5 hours of forethought) the slower pace of decision making, learning to respond instead of reacting, has felt like the softest bed to land on. Being on the verge of steps I’ve been considering for over a year has left me with some feelings of impatience, but also an immense comfort. I know what I’m doing and I’m happy to do it. Big decisions are never easy, but often are the ones that define our lives.

    I spent the past year weighing the thoughts of everyone around me and using this ‘research’ to influence and maybe even determine how I felt about a situation. When your family and circle of friends say one thing it can feel like swimming upstream to choose a different path. And may even put you in the line of fire of the people you trust and love the most. Learning to prioritize my own voice, heart, and wants has made all the difference. It’s my life to live and I cannot spend it thinking of the needs of others (I’ll have plenty of that to do when I’m a mother, right?).

    You cannot base your emotions on the emotions of others. You cannot live your life to make someone else happy. Your emotions are valid and honest and real. They are never an “over-emotion” because they are exactly what they are, mean, and feel to you. Embrace them, reflect on them, challenge them, and accept them.

  • diary life, currently

    Quarantine: Day 65

    Paragraph: Written. Paragraph: Deleted. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. That’s been the feeling lately. I usually keep personal frustrations and struggles off of the blog until I feel like I have some clarity. Mostly because I…

    15 May 2020
  • wild yeast

    Weekly Loaf

    Grams & Percentages 500 g bread flour 400 g water (80% hydration) 118 g levain (23.6% inoculation) 8 g salt (1.6%)   Timeline 7:00 am — fed starter 11:50 am — start autolyse 1:00…

    26 April 2020
  • life, currently

    Temp Check

    I take my temperature every day, literally and figuratively.  It’s how I cope, how I breathe in and out, and how I determine the way that I’m going to care for myself over the…

    25 April 2020
  • canning & pickling

    Pickling: Red Onions & Peppercorns

      Pickling is possibly the easiest and fastest way to transform your foods. This method, in particular, for pickling red onions takes about 10 minutes (of work) for crunchy, acidic, and sweet onions that…

    23 April 2020
  • wild yeast

    A Perfectly Simple Country White Loaf

    As a sourdough enthusiast and avid bread baker, I have absolutely adored seeing the bread boom of the past month. King Arthur Flour (my go-to) reported sending more flour in three weeks of March…

    16 April 2020
  • wild yeast

    Bread Baking: Terms & Techniques

    Getting into bread baking more and more involved learning a lot of gargon and (unsurprisingly) a lot of French. I found the more that I write about baking, bread, sourdough, etc I end up…

    15 April 2020
  • wild yeast

    Sourdough (Discard) Flakey Biscuits

    You’ll notice in the photos that there are five biscuits, while this recipe makes six. That is because I am someone who lacks the self-control to wait until after photos to snack and, frankly,…

    14 April 2020